At Least We Have Each Other
Oct. 29th, 2012 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marie_de_sadeTitle: At Least We Have Each Other
It didn’t bother Jimmy at first, it really didn’t, sometimes when Castiel was still in charge Jimmy would wake up for a little bit, catching glimpses and briefly feeling the world around him. So he knew that Dean and Castiel were more then just friends and even if he didn’t have that knowledge the way Dean looked at him when he first realized he was talking to Jimmy and not Castiel said it all. And really Jimmy had nowhere else to go, he couldn’t go home to his wife it would just put them in danger, staying with the Winchesters was really his only option. So the first time Dean bent him over Jimmy just took it, gritted his teeth and ignored the pain. Castiel was an angel of the Lord, he could take anything Dean could throw at him, Jimmy had convinced himself that once Dean realized Jimmy wasn’t as strong as the angel he’d start being gentle. Except it only got worse, Dean was always careful not to leave bruises in places that wouldn’t be covered by clothes in the morning, it made Jimmy wonder if Sam knew what was happening, if Dean was trying to hide it from his brother. But as long as Dean was kept happy Jimmy didn’t have to worry about being thrown out on the streets.
Then there was the night Sam and he had ordered a movie on pay per view, it was some historical movie that Sam loved and Jimmy hated but it was probably one of the best nights he’d had since he gained control of his body. Near the end Sam looked at the clock and swore, he’d told Dean he’d go to the laundry mat and it was already pretty late. Sam collected all the clothes, then looked awkwardly at Jimmy who only had four outfits allof which had gotten way too filthy. He reached into Dean’s duffle bag and pulled out a suit and trench coat, assured Jimmy that Dean wasn’t going to be coming home that night and asked him to change out of his dirty clothes.
Jimmy had no idea why Dean had come back to the hotel later that night, he’d texted Sam earlier saying he found an easy blonde and Jimmy had never known Dean to pass up a sure thing. But there he was, leaning heavily against the door frame and smiling at Jimmy.
“Hey.” Dean’s voice was soft, the smallest hint of affection behind it. He mumbled something that Jimmy couldn’t understand and reached out a heavy hand. “’m drunk, help me.”
“Of course.” Jimmy scrambled off the couch, thankful that Dean wasn’t angry at him for dressing up in Castiel’s clothes, Dean threw an arm around Jimmy’s shoulder and the smaller man almost stumbled against the weight. He managed to drag the hunter over to one of the beds, Dean fell so hard he bounced a little but just laughed it off. Shaky fingers wrapped themselves in Jimmy’s shirt both pulling him closer and untucking the fabric from his pants.
“Missed you.” Dean mumbled, resting his cheek against Jimmy’s chest and loosely wrapped his arms around his hips. Jimmy bit his lip to stop himself from talking, from telling Dean that they’d been apart less then twelve hours but Dean hadn’t ever been like this with him. It was like there was a perfect amount of alcohol to turn Dean’s painful grips to gentle caresses and Jimmy would be damned if he let himself ruin that.
“Sit.” Dean pulled him down onto the bed, pushing on his shoulders till he was lying down. He kicked of his boots and crawled over to Jimmy, straddling his hips and leaning down till their lips were nearly touching.
“Dean.” Jimmy whispered.
“Sh, don’t talk.” Soft lips brushed against his dry ones, Jimmy was still beneath Dean caught off guard by the tender gesture. He’d been with the brothers a little over nine months and Dean hadn’t kissed him once. The alcohol had made Dean’s movements a little sloppy, he was trying to open the buttons on Jimmy’s shirt and was failing miserably. It made Jimmy smile and bring his hands up to help, popping the buttons open one by one and pulling the fabric off his chest. He looked up at Dean, hoping to claim another kiss but Dean’s brows were drawn together, a guilty look washed over his face. The look confused Jimmy at first till he felt Dean’s fingers brush over a fresh bruise and he Jimmy hissed in pain.
“I’m sorry.” Dean whispered, his head ducked down to kiss the purple flesh. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Dean mumbled apologizes over and over, kissing every dark bruise along his shoulders then moved down to the ones on his chest till he reached the yellow hand prints on his hips. Jimmy arched up into the feeling of tongue against the sore skin, Dean was going so slowly usually he would be down by now, grunting as he spilled inside Jimmy then pushing him out of bed and telling him to clean himself up. Jimmy pulled his arms out of his sleeves while Dean worked on removing his pants, tossing them to the floor before leaning forward and kissing Jimmy’s thigh.
“Dean, I-ah.” Jimmy cried out when he felt a wet tongue lick up his shaft and before he could say anything else Dean swallowed him down in one motion. Jimmy gripped the sides of the bed almost afraid to touch Dean, worried any second he was going to snap out of it and bite into Jimmy’s pale skin till he bled. It was almost mesmerizing the way Dean’s head bobbed up and down, Jimmy wasn’t used to the focus being on him, Dean only ever focused on his own pleasure he never cared if Jimmy got of or not. In fact Jimmy was pretty sure that Dean had purposefully sent him to bed hard a few times.
Dean pulled away from away from Jimmy with a wet pop, a line of spit still connecting Dean’s mouth to the head of his cock. He kissed his way back up Jimmy’s chest, gently licking an old bite mark on his shoulder. “I need you. Do you know how much I need you?”
Jimmy swallowed not knowing what Dean wanted him to say so he just shook his head. Dean chuckled hot breath spilling over Jimmy’s neck and Dean pushed his nose against the sweaty skin, memorizing his scent. “Badly. You’re so good and I need you so bad.”
Dean leaned back, pulled his shirt up over his head and dropped it on the floor. Jimmy reached up and ran his hands along Dean’s sides, his skin looked even paler compared to the hunters perfect tan. Dean gave lopsided grin at Jimmy’s eagerness and the blush that spread across his cheeks when he looked up at his lover.
“You’re so beautiful.” Dean leaned down and gave Jimmy a chaste kiss before he began to take off the rest of his clothes. There was a soft click of bottle opening before Jimmy felt a slick finger push against his entrance. Jimmy gasped from the mixed feeling of the burning stretch and the cold lube, Dean laid a hand flat against his hip and kissed his thigh, telling him everything was okay.
Jimmy tried not to compare Dean’s actions to all the other times but everything was happening like a dream. Dean was whispering soft words of encouragement and affection, there were no insults, he wasn’t calling him a whore or telling him to take it. He was slipping his fingers in slowly, stretching him open and getting him ready, not bending him over and quickly shoving himself in before Jimmy could voice any complaints.
His heart almost fluttered out of his chest not because of the way Dean quickened his pace. It was because Dean had finally realized he wasn’t Castiel, he wasn’t an indestructible vessel that could heal instantly. He was a man, just like Dean, that needed to be prepped and kissed, that he wanted to be told he was beautiful not just that he looked good with a cock shoved down his throat.
Dean grabbed hold on Jimmy’s hip, carful not to grip the week old bruises there and pulled him closer. The of Dean’s cock nudged against Jimmy’s hole, he paused before pushing in, looking up at Jimmy for any sign of hesitation before he began to sink in. Jimmy’s breath hitched when Dean bottomed out, holding still to let Jimmy adjust to the fullness. He expected it to burn, to feel skin tare but it wasn’t anything like that, it was good and when pulled out and pushed back in Jimmy saw stars. Dean brushed again the tint bundle of nerves deep inside Jimmy making him moan and arch up into the hunter.
“You like that?” Dean panted, placing his hands on both sides of Jimmy’s head as he thrusted slow and deep. “Is it good?”
“Yes, yes.” Jimmy nodded eagerly. He wrapped his lips around Dean trying to pull him even closer. “Dean, please.”
“I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you.” Dean reached between their body’s, grabbing hold of Jimmy’s throbbing cock and swirled his thumb over the head. Jimmy whimpered, thrusting his hips up into Dean’s hand then down into his dick. “That’s right, just like that. So pretty, so perfect. All mine.”
“A-all yours.” Jimmy stuttered when Dean sent a hard thrust into him. He arched up to kiss him again, the smallest hint of hesitation before he plunged his tongue in between Dean’s swollen lips. The man above him moaned, his free hand moved to cup Jimmy’s cheek and stroked his thumb against the rough stubble of his jaw. Liquid heat began to pool in Jimmy’s stomach and he cried into Dean’s mouth as he came. Dean leaned up to kiss Jimmy’s forehead, stroking him through his orgasm till both their chests were covered in thick lines of cum.
Dean’s movements sped up becoming erratic, he groaned when Jimmy’s tight muscles clamped down around him. It wasn’t long till he gave one last deep thrust and spilled himself into the man beneath him. He collapsed on Jimmy, plastered against him head to toe, they both gasped for air as they came down from their orgasms. Dean twisted his head slightly, just enough to burry his face into Jimmy’s neck. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t.” Jimmy panted. “I won’t.”
He felt Dean smile against his skin, finally finding enough strength to pull out and push himself off Jimmy. He grabbed Jimmy’s shoulders and moved them till they both lied side by side, Jimmy’s back pulled against Dean’s chest and his arm pinning Jimmy there. Jimmy felt sticky with sweat and cum, he was out of breath and dead tired but it was the best he’d felt since he became an angel’s vessel.
“I’ve missed you, Cas.” Dean mumbled before he slipped off into sleep. Jimmy’s eyes snapped open, body tensing and he pulled away from Dean so fast he almost fell off the bed. He stood beside the bed looking down his cum on his chest and feeling Dean’s leak down his thigh, he cringed suddenly feeling dirty. He looked at the clock, Sam would be back soon and Jimmy switched onto auto pilot going through the usual routine of cleaning them up before Dean’s brother found them. He went into the bathroom and grabbed a handful of toilet paper, returning to the bed he pushed Dean onto his back and wiped his cum off his chest. Dean groaned a little but remained sleeping as Jimmy cleaned him up and pulled his boxers back on. He tossed the empty bottle of lube on the trash along with the dirty toilet paper, shoving the empty fast food bag on top so Sam wouldn’t see them.
He gathered his clothes from the places Dean had tossed them, he needed to reach under the bed to find his shirt. Jimmy carried them into the bathroom, dropping them by the shower before he reached in and turned the hot water on full blast. Two squirts of water sputtered out before the pressure turned it into streams, Jimmy waited for it to heat up and walked over to the sink. Opening the mirrored cabinet above the sink he grabbed the think plastic cup from inside and held it under the cold water coming from the sink faucet. Empty blue eyes stared back at him, Jimmy watched himself in the mirror as he lifted the pink cup up to his mouth. He licked his lips before he took a drink, tasting the faint traces of Dean still on his tongue. The water washed away the taste but it wasn’t enough and those fucking eyes just kept looking at him.
He spit the water at the glass, distorting the image, making it break and crumple and this was Jimmy, the twisted thing staring back at him was all he really was. The cup fell from his fingers and Jimmy stepped into the shower, boiling water hitting his chest like a million tiny bullets. The water beat against him, washing the cum away and leaving beat red skin behind. It doesn’t sting though, not like his eyes do and he tells himself he’s not going to cry because if Dean ever saw him crying he’d really give him something to cry about.
What had really changed in the past hour though? Dean’s roughness hadn’t really bothered him before, so why did it now? Jimmy dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain that shot through him when bone hit porcelain. Because he knew the answer, he’d always assumed Dean was just replacing Castiel with Jimmy, that they’d been rough and dirty and Dean just needed time to adjust to something else. But Dean had been so gentle, smiled at him, kissed him and all because he’d mistaken Jimmy for Castiel. Dean couldn’t stand Jimmy, Jimmy disgusted him and Jimmy took it all because he needed protection. Jimmy was a whore letting someone fuck him just for a place to stay, letting a man use him without ever voicing a complaint.
Jimmy grabbed a washcloth and started scrubbing, trying to get the Dean off him, trying to get the Jimmy off of him. He’d never felt so filthy in his entire life and even with the water burning his skin it wasn’t enough. He rubbed the rough fabric against his thigh and didn’t stop till he saw the water tinged red. Gasping for breath, his whole body shook as he tried to hold back his tears and he curled up on his side beneath the stream of water.
He lied there till the water turned cold and stayed even when it turned freezing and made his muscles cramp. A knock on the bathroom door finally made him sit up, he turned the tap off and managed to croak out “What?”
“I’m back.” Sam said softly hoping not to wake his brother. Jimmy got out of the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He opened the door only enough to hold an arm out, hiding the rest of his body and bruises.
“Clothes.” He demanded. There was shuffling on the other side of the door and then Sam handed him a pair of pajama pants and ratty t-shirt. He shut the door without saying thank you and didn’t bother drying off before getting dressed. The small room plunged into darkness when he flicked the light switch off, he took a shaky breath trying to compose himself before he stepped into the other room. Sam looked up from the chair he was sitting on, pausing from untying his shoes.
“I’m sorry, I really didn’t think he’d be back tonight.” Sam’s eyes softened as he looked at Jimmy’s blank expression. “Did he freak out at you?”
“No.” He answered truthfully, it was a small comfort that for once he didn’t have to lie to Sam.
“Look why don’t you take the bed tonight? I’ll sleep on the cot.” Jimmy usually got stuck with the cot or couch, and sometimes the hard uncomfortable floor, it was hard to find a cheap room with three beds and since Dean and Sam had to hunt they needed to be well rested. It was a nice gesture on Sam parts except the cot was child size and had barely enough room for Jimmy to curl up, he could only imagine how awkwardly Sam would fit on it.
“It’s okay, can’t have you cramping up when you dispose of that ghost tomorrow.” Jimmy tried to smile but he could tell Sam didn’t buy it.
“You sure nothings wrong?”
“I’m just tired.” Jimmy faked a yawn and flopped down on the lumpy cot. He rolled onto his side and hugged the pillow to him. “Goodnight Sam.”
There are birds chirping outside when Jimmy wakes up, it reminded him of the robins nests that was outside his bedroom window the summer before he became Castiel’s vessel. He turned away from the bright light, burying his head in his pillow and trying to go back to sleep. His half closed eyes glimpsed work boots and blue jeans that made him suck in a breath and snap his eyes open. “Dean.”
The hunter had dragged a chair beside Jimmy’s bed, he sat down next to him, one arm tossed over the back of the chair. The blank stare Dean gave him was more terrifying then if he’d looked angry, his gaze was steady and hard and didn’t move except for sipping out of a water bottle “How’d you sleep, Cas.”
“I didn’t know.” Jimmy whispered. “I really didn’t. Dean you-”
“Shut up.” The sound of a car outside stopped Dean from saying anymore, he rose from his chair and was in the small kitchen when Sam walked in. He handed Dean a brown paper bag and walked over to Jimmy and dropped another bag on his cot.
“I got you one of those breakfast sandwich, they were out of sausage so I got you bacon is that okay?”
“I’m not hungry.” Sam picked the bag up of the bed and looked down at the man wrapped up in blankets. “I think I’m sick.”
“Oh.” Sam seemed to accept the explanation of Jimmy’s strange behavior. “We can pick you up some ginger ale on our way back from the hunt.”
A loud pop sounded from the kitchen, Sam made an annoyed face when he saw Dean opening a beer so early in the morning but he didn’t say anything. “Chris said he’d meet us at the house by sundown but we need to get some things first.”
Dean walked into what passed for a living room, a tiny television and a worn out love seat. He flipped the television on and kicked his feet up on the table then chugged back half his beer bottle in one gulp. “You go get everything ready, I’ll stay with Jimmy, help him out if he starts getting sick.”
Sam shot a look over at Dean, it was unusual for him to give two shits about Jimmy and Sam wasn’t sure if he should find it encouraging or suspicious. “Yeah, I can do that.”
Jimmy stood up and walked over to Sam trying his hardest not to look over at Dean. He’d never actually tried to get Jimmy alone, only ever taking the few opportunities when Sam left of his own accord. It was probably a bad sign. Jimmy hovered by the door as Sam gathered his supplies and said goodbye to his brother before heading out. Sam hesitated before leaving, his hand paused on the doorknob and he lowered his voice so Dean couldn’t hear. “Do you want me to stay, Jimmy?”
Jimmy’s breath caught in his throat, this was his chance to change things, to tell Sam everything. He could lift his shirt up and show him the bruises and beg Sam not to leave him alone because he couldn’t take it know that he knew he was nothing but trash to Dean. “No, I’m good Sam.”
It took Jimmy a second to realize those words were his, that Sam had given him a way out and he hadn’t taken it. He watched Sam nod and walk out the door, heard the impala’s engine rev and speed away and Jimmy let out a shaky breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Of course he wasn’t going to tell Sam because Jimmy needed Dean, not in the way Castiel had, he needed him so much more then that. His days basically began and ended with the hunter, Jimmy was hardly ever alone either with Dean or Sam after his brother had order watch Jimmy. It was Dean that bought him food, that paid for his clothes, taught him how to shoot a gun and draw a devil trap. Dean that had yanked him away seconds before a vampire had chomped down on his jugular and it was Dean that killed that werewolf before it ripped Jimmy to shreds. Now that Jimmy knew what really went on in the world, all the nasty, evil, terrifying details, how was he supposed to survive it on his own.
So Jimmy decided he could just suck it up and deal with whatever Dean through at him. He turned to face the hunter and jumped back when he found Dean standing right behind him. Jimmy put a hand over his heart, trying to calm it after the surprise, he leaned against the door and tried to give Dean a smile, though it came out tired and forced.
“Did you think it was funny?” Jimmy dropped the smile when he heard the harsh edge to Dean’s voice.
“No Dean, I-” Jimmy yelped when Dean slammed his hands down on either side of Jimmy’s head.
“Bet you thought it was fucking hilarious.” When Jimmy lowered his gaze to the ground Dean gripped the side of his jaw and forced him to look at him. “Dressing up like him just to fuck with me.”
“I thought…” He wanted to explain everything that had gone through his mind last night but he didn’t because he’d rather face Dean’s anger then his rejection. Dean waited less then ten seconds for Jimmy’s answer before he growled and raised his knee up hard into Jimmy’s stomach. The breath was knocked out of Jimmy’s lungs, he reached up to steady himself against Dean but the hunter had stepped away and Jimmy toppled to the ground, curled into a fetal position and holding his aching stomach.
“Dean.” Jimmy gasped, the movement making his entire chest burn.
“I’m so fucking good to you Jimmy.” Dean stood over him, hands on his hip and a sneer on his lips. “And you pull this shit.”
“I didn’t know.” He whimpered. “I thought you…I thought maybe…”
“What?” Dean sneered, dropping to his knees and forcing Jimmy onto his back. “That I’d actually want a slut like you?”
Dean grabbed a handful of Jimmy’s shirt and yanked him forward, his hips still pinned to the ground by Dean’s hips. A wave of panic hit Jimmy when he realized that this was serious, Dean might actually hurt him this time. Dean had always been rough with him, he was never nice but at the same time Jimmy knew he’d never seriously hurt him and up until then any bruise he’d gotten had been collateral damage not intentional harm. But then Dean raised a hand, fingers curling into a fist and Jimmy knew with wasn’t just kinky foreplay.
“Wait!” Jimmy cried. “Fuck me. I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me, Dean.” The hunter’s fist froze midair and he stared down at the man beneath him as if considering the purposely. Jimmy gulped, he lifted his hips up to grind against Dean’s and he whimpered out “I need you Dean.”
“Yeah, I bet you do.” Dean let go of his shirt and Jimmy flopped back on the ground, letting out a sigh of relief. Dean rose to his feet and went back over to the couch to grab his beer. “Stand up.”
Jimmy scrambled to his feet and stood in the middle of the room, watching Dean as he finished his beer and grabbed another one out of the fridge. “Strip.”
Grabbing the edge of his shirt he yanked it over his head and then shoved his pants down and kicked them away. Dean watched him pull his clothes off, leaning against the fridge and taking long gulps of his beer. Jimmy stayed in the center of the room, not knowing what to do with his hands they hung awkwardly at his side while he waited for Dean to give him an order. After what seemed like an eternity Dean raised a hand and motioned for Jimmy to come closer.
Running a nervous hand through his hair and walked over to Dean who dragged his eyes up and down Jimmy’s pale skin, over the bruises and scratch marks. Jimmy flinched when he felt the smooth ridge of the beer bottle ran down his chest, the cold glass making him shiver.
“So?” Dean pressed the mouth of the bottle against the dark blue patch of skin beneath his ribs. When Dean’s question is answered with silence he goes on “tell me what you want.”
“I-I want you to fuck me.” Jimmy said like he hadn’t already made it perfectly clear.
“Yeah, you mentioned that.” Dean pulled the bottle away from Jimmy and finished its contents before tossing it aside. “Tell me exactly what you want.”
“I want you inside me.” He said automatically and bit his lip when Dean ran a thumb over his nipple. Dean gave a disappointed tsk at the answer and Jimmy knew it wasn’t what he wanted but Jimmy had never been very good at dirty talk. A crimson blush was already spreading across Jimmy’s cheeks when he tried again. “I want your cock in me, splitting me open, it feels so…”
“Go on.” Dean cooed placing his hands almost gently on Jimmy’s hips. “How’s it feel?”
“Fucking amazing.” Jimmy looked away when he heard Dean chuckle. Before Jimmy had met the Winchesters he’d swore exactly once and his mother had poured dish soap in his mouth and sent him to bed without dinner. Now despite him being a full grown man, curse words still sounded awkward on his lips and talking about sex always made his skin light up like a cherry tomato.
Dean pushed away from the fridge seemingly satisfied with the answer or at least knowing it wouldn’t get any better. His nails dug into Jimmy’s hips and dragged him over to the kitchen table, the thought briefly crossed Jimmy’s mind that Sam would so incredibly grossed out if he knew his brother had sex against the table he ate on, but Dean had already bent him over it before he voice any concerns.
“So you want me to fuck you?” Dean whispered in Jimmy’s hip, grinding his still clothed erection against his ass. “You want me to fill your tight little ass, pump you so full of my cum that it leaks down you thighs so everyone can see what a filthy slut you are?”
“Yes.” Jimmy rasped. Dean’s heavy weight lifted off him and Jimmy shifted his legs to bare himself to the other man. He heard the sound of a belt being unbuckled and a zipper opening, it was the only warning he was given before Dean grabbed his hips and slammed into him. Dean hissed when Jimmy’s muscled clenched and tried to force him out but Dean only sunk deeper. Jimmy felt jeans rub against him and when Dean bent over him he realized Dean was still fully clothed. A painful reminder that Dean hated touching Jimmy
“You have a fucking family, Jimmy. You have a wife, do you ever think of her when I’m fucking you?”
“Please-” Dean’s slammed Jimmy’s head back into the table before he could finish, please don’t talk about them.
Dean bent over Jimmy, plastering himself against his back and plunged deeper with every thrust. “How old is Claire now?”
“Dean, don’t.” Jimmy pleaded as he pushed against the table, wanting Dean off him, wanting to get away.
“I wonder what she’d think of you, her daddy whoring himself out for some protection.” Dean wrapped a hand around Jimmy’s throat and squeezed till he finally held still beneath him. “Or maybe she’s a whore just like her daddy. What do you think Jimmy? You think she begs for it like you do?”
“Dean please, not her, please.” Jimmy sobbed and clutched Dean’s hand, gasping for air against the tight fingers on his throat.
“I bet she does, she’d get on her hands and knees and suck me down.” Dean’s pace quickened till he was slamming into Jimmy each time. “I bet she’s real tight, she probably get’s wet fast, so eager for it, it be easy for me to just slide inside her.”
Jimmy didn't respond, each sob shook his body so hard he couldn't force any words out. It wouldn't have mattered though because no matter what Jimmy said Den wasn't going to stop. Jimmy was forced to listen as Dean whispered filthy things about his daughter in his ear. The only thing he could do was hold still and wait for it all to be over.
“Shit.” Dean swore as he spilled inside Jimmy. He rested his forehead between Jimmy’s shoulder blades and tried to catch his breath. Jimmy’s sobs turned into quiet whimpers and he stayed in place when Dean
finally pulled off him. “Clean yourself up.”
